Jackie Chou "Dreams and Dances"

 

Jackie Chou “Dreams and Dances”

 

 

1 > A Love Poem

2 > Autumn

3 > I Want the Best for You

4 > Your Smile

5 > Pumps

6 > The Dream

7 > Specters at the Rosemead Community Center

8 > The Snow Globe

9 > To the Boy with the Same Name as Me Attending Design School

10 > The Uncaring

11 > I Just Want to Do My Homework

12 > The Eyes

1 > A Love Poem

 

Today,

I will take my hands off my waist

and lower my lifted heel.

 

For you,

I will step down

from any platform,

remove any sash,

and tip my headdress.

 

I will sit on a steel bench,

eating nachos

from a plastic tray

with a slot in the corner

for cheese dip

and chopped jalapenos.

 

The only time

I will wear a uniform

and shake a pom-pom

is to cheer you on

with everyone else

 

on the sidelines.

 

 

 

2 > Autumn

 

The summer is gone,

and the leaves are turning red,

like my heart,

falling a million times

for you.

 

Ah, my loves, my friends,

the wind has swept away the dust.

 

How short is four years, or eight,

compared to the rest of our lives?

 

Each day I awake,

I drift further from you,

from the grass fields,

the stone stairs

where we once set foot.

 

Yet I've realized,

in this cool breeze,

that my passion for you,

like these words I write,

has only grown,

and has not faded

through the passing

of the seasons.

3 > I Want the Best for You

 

I want the best for you,

though I'm not your kin.

 

Like a stargazer,

I'm content to watch you

from below,

without wanting

or expecting

anything in return.

 

It is not for your love of me,

but for your light,

silent though it is,

that I sing of you,

bright rays

I'd hate to see dimmed

in the slightest,

by gossip,

by hate,

by jealousy.

 

It is from afar,

that I make a wish

for the best for you,

with not an iota

of resentment

towards you

for your reticence.

 

 

 

4 > Your Smile

 

Your smile is so infectious,

I am grinning from ear to ear,

though we're oceans apart.

 

It is not yet sunset,

but my thoughts of you

have turned the drab blue sky

into a kaleidoscope

of pink and purple hues.

 

The floor below me

is padded with clouds,

and instead of dragging my feet,

I find myself dancing

everywhere I go.

 

I find myself singing

along with your harp-like voice,

rejoicing in the ethereal beauty

of your angelic face,

your godly heart.

5 > Pumps

 

I love pumps,

clear plastic, patent leather,

pointy-toed,

love squeezing my fat feet

into them.

 

They make me look ethereal,

like Cinderella,

a gold digger,

as if everything else

was not obvious enough.

 

How do you explain

the steak on the plate

cut into bite-sized chunks,

the red lipstick

on the wine glass,

the scatter of soft curls

over my shoulders?

 

Or the catwalk

to the parking lot

after the meal,

the silhouette

almost disappearing

in the evening mist?

 

 

 

6 > The Dream

 

In my dream,

I’m reaching

for a star,

namely,

Macy’s store logo,

five-pointed,

red.

 

I’m looking

for white

patent leather

pumps,

a shoe rack

with a clearance

sign.

 

But the soles

of my cotton

Mary Janes

are stuck

to the gum-

spotted street,

and my wallet

is empty.

 

I keep

tossing sirloin

to the lion,

never asking

for an edge,

a point,

anything.

7 > Specters at the Rosemead Community Center 

I was once a girl,

warm-cheeked,

hands soft to the touch.

 

You'd ask me to dance,

and I'd sway and swirl

to the push and pull

of your arms.

 

Now there is no wind,

no shadow,

no rays of strobe light

on the floor.

 

Nor is there a sequin,

a bead,

a strip of chiffon

from somebody's dress,

a fallen crystal

from a tiara.

 

There is no footprint,

no glitter

from shoes,

just my memories

of father, mother,

older sister,

attending parties

together,

their faces

glowing in my heart

like specters.

 

 

8 > The Snow Globe

 

As a child

in the snowless city,

I looked into a snow globe,

the closest thing

to a white Christmas

I ever saw.

 

I shook the glass,

so the tiny snowflakes

would fall like confetti

on the deer inside.

 

I gazed into its plastic eyes,

wondering what it was like

to be showered with something,

like winning an award

in one of the contests

mom signed me up for,

the deer,

all by its lonesome,

standing tall,

and victorious,

whenever its world

was being shaken.

9 > To the Boy with the Same Name as Me Attending Design School

 

When I google myself

your face appears,

sun-bright, yellow,

a widespread smile

curled towards the beams,

your eyes twinkling.

 

If only I could major

in something like interior design,

instead of writing these words,

watching folks like you

from my corner of the world.

 

 

 

10 > The Uncaring

 

Today I will eat spareribs

while the one who pays for my meal

gobbles down a hamburger

a garden salad with ranch dressing

and cheap croutons

or chowder with saltine crackers

crushed into bits

 

Today I bump into everyone

trip on their toes

and don't bother to say I'm sorry

 

Today I blast punk rock

on my balcony

assume all my neighbors

like the music I like

 

Today I don't pick up after myself

leave my empty soda cans

all over the place

and forget

that I have ever loved

or hated anything

11 > I Just Want to Do My Homework

 

I don't want a new hair clip

with a pink satin bow

strawberry lipstick

dresses with swirly sequins

and lace fringes

 

I don't want the shimmering nylons

and patent leather Mary Janes

of a girly girl

 

I don't want a kiss on the cheek

or a crush

for that matter

 

I just want to do my homework

to fill reams of scented lined paper

with rainbow ink

 

That has always been

my idea of fun

 

 

12 > The Eyes

 

I'm looking for my eyes.

They slipped from my sockets

and fell to the blue carpet.

 

Can you help me find them?

They're dark brown and myopic.

 

I cannot see you like I used to,

the arched black brows,

the glint in the eyes,

the beckoning lips.

 

They have all disappeared,

becoming nothing

but fragments of memories.

 

Can you please

give me back my eyes,

so this darkness

between you and me

will finally go away?

 

 

Jackie Chou is a Pushcart and Best of the Net nominee whose poem "Formosa" was a finalist in the 2023 Stephen A DiBiase Poetry Prize. Her work has also appeared recently in The Ekphrastic Review, Panoply Zine, Synchronized Chaos, Lothlorien Poetry Journal, and Lee Herrick's Our California project. Her two collections of poetry, Finding My Heart in Love and Loss and the Sorceress, published by cyberwit in 2023, can be found on Amazon.